so i fell asleep at my desk for a few seconds and woke up abruptly to the thought “WHO CARES!? THESE ARE ASSLESS CHAPS!!!” burning through my mind
i dont understand
It’s ok, I woke up two weeks ago to slapping my knuckles over my desk, and swore loudly. Only problem was that I suddenly had a thick Brooklyn accent, and thought I was a 1940s mobster for 30 seconds upon waking.
I LOVE STUFF LIKE THIS?
I did the same thing once, where when I woke up I seriously thought I was Superman for at least a good minute or so. I was reaching for my phone thinking, “Oh my God, I’ve been hiding it this whole time, I’ve gotta tell my boyfriend I’m superman.” And as I was very tiredly and sloppily writing the text I stopped what I was doing and was like, “What the fuck.”
Yes. More. I need more stories.
one morning i woke up absolutely convinced that my mom had faked her husbands death for tax purposes and i was so mad cuz i had to go to his stupid funeral with his dumb family and i thought we had finally gotten rid of him all for it to be a lie then like half an hour later im like “wait…” I told her about it later and she told me faking his death wouldnt have done much for her tax wise at all
Mine are always like “Oh fuck someone I love has died.” which is pretty scary to wake up to. But my favorite wtf one is that I woke up and I expected to wake up like at 12pm, I’d set an alarm for it etc….
I woke up at 8pm.
My immediate reaction to it being dark outside?
“Oh fuck it’s nuclear winter”
I once dreamed that I was a pirate tying a lot of knots for sail-hoisting purposes. Woke up to find that I’d wrapped our kitten in about three blankets. He wouldn’t sleep within arm’s reach of me for two years after that.
Another time, I was woken up by lightning striking a tree in our yard, and I genuinely thought I was somewhere to do with cannons for about 10 seconds.
And then there was that time I was dreaming about boring house things, walked outside, found a canyon in our yard, woke up, got out of bed, walked downstairs, went outside, saw a flying saucer, woke up, got out of bed, had breakfast, and spent the whole day quietly expecting that I was about to wake up.
Brains are weird and sometimes they forget how to reality.
Oh my god I love this.
My sister once went and woke up or dad to ask for lunch money and he asked her if she’d gotten the rubies yet and she said no and he told she had to get the rubies first and so she left and came back a little while later to ask again and he asked her if she’d gotten the rubies yet and she said yes and he told her okay and that she could take the $10 in his wallet.
I once had a dream that my house (and everything in it) was being claimed by loan sharks because I was so poor/in debt/or something, in my dream. I then woke up panicking/crying and looking around, confused as to why everything was still in my room. It took at least 20 seconds for me to figure out why.
Once I was having a dream except in my dream I thought of a phrase so hard that I startled myself awake and forgot the rest of the dream. The phrase was “cosmic underwear.” I still have no idea what it means.
Some years ago, I was asleep and my phone rang. It was 5 am thereabouts and I was totally disoriented and half-asleep and forget answering the phone at Ungodly Hours of the Morning, so I let it go to voicemail. Except then, I woke up enough to wonder who was calling me that early and I checked the message (still with my eyes mostly closed).
“Hi honey, it’s your wife. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been in an accident. It’s ok, I’m ok, the truck’s ok, you don’t have to come get me. I’ll be home as soon as the police let me leave, but I’m going to try to go in to the office this afternoon after I get cleaned up,” and I FREAKED OUT. My beloved wife was in an accident with our truck? What happened? I jumped out of bed with this like…protective rage mode turned on, threw on some clothes, READY TO BREAK THE FACE of whoever had caused the accident and put my wife in danger, also wanting to hold her tight and make sure she was ok, and got as far as the bedroom door before I realized I wasn’t married and didn’t own a truck.
Captain Koril 