I hadn’t even seen him for several years and I just
I guess I always had some crazy idea that I would be able to save up enough money to go back with a trailer and he’d be standing there with his head over the stall door waiting for me to bring him home
as long as he was out there somewhere, it was like
there was hope
I could get him out maybe
away from there where he was so unhappy
give him a life as a horse and not a carousel pony
give him all the scritches that he begged me for always
and now
I don’t know
he wasn’t very old
I don’t even know what happened
I didn’t really even get to say goodbye before I was pulled away that last time I saw him
he whinnied for me
he always did
even the first time I met him he begged me to pet him
I just
fuck everything
I’m empty