so tonight I got 0 trick-or-treaters but I skyped with a friend back in my old hometown and she set her computer up on a table inside her screen door when she had to run off and do something and I basically greeted children and directed them to candy from thousands of miles away thanks to technology

I had a third costume this year as a talking computer.

“All human babies look alike to me,
Like little pink raisin-Yoda hybrids.”

-me, answering the question(s) “So, are you seeing anyone yet? …but don’t you want to have kids while you’re still young?”