I kinda put off answering this ask because it got really long and complicated, and I wasn’t sure how to answer it, so sorry if you needed a fast answer. It’s sort of weird because a) I don’t remember saying anywhere publicly that I am actually? I’m not upset, I’m just puzzled. Like…is this post outing myself or did I do that already somehow without knowing it? Are we mutuals? Are you stalking me? Are you the government? Are you in my head? WHAT IS GOING ON? 😀 😀 😀

seriously, do I give off a vibe…because on one hand that could be bad, but on the other hand, achievement unlocked!

Also THANK YOU 😀 I love my Star-Lord! I am indeed planning to wear him to a con. It’s sort of…complicated, I guess? I’ve been cosplaying as male characters for a really long time tbh. The first character I ever cosplayed at a con was a guy. Actually, it wasn’t until my 3rd? year officially cosplaying that I even put together a female character, and I was far more nervous about wearing her in public (Black Widow…TIGHT BODYSUIT+cleavage+ninja gear+people oogling my sausagey body fat+me feeling like I was in drag because of way too much girly makeup, etc). Though that turned out better than expected and I got flirted with. A lot.

So anyway…I’m not sure what to tell you, Anon. I have had a lot of hangups about cosplaying over the years. I’m not conventionally attractive. I’m overweight. I’m disabled. At some point it comes down to “do I want to live my life quietly and not hear the ridicule, or do I want to live my life loudly and be hated for it?”

I’ve got a go big or go home kind of personality, and I can take some amounts of verbal abuse. I sort of hate blending into the background at cons so I generally go for the loud option and cosplay what I want. It’s not always easy and I have doubts, and it’s certainly not for everyone. There are really rewarding moments (other people who are overweight, or in wheelchairs, or otherwise not “typical cosplayers” who see someone “like them” represented and it absolutely MAKES THEIR DAY :D) and there are really crap moments (the con I went to last year where the organizers went out of their way to make me feel excluded and dehumanized because I was in a wheelchair, they were also rude to my cosplay buddy as well).

I know that doesn’t have much to do with crossplaying specifically, but the anxiety is pretty similar. If you want to cosplay, do it. 99% of the time, nothing bad will happen. Most people are genuinely happy to share their geek fun with you and there are tons of other people crossplaying too. If, however, it’s going to spoil your fun to constantly be looking over your shoulder, don’t do it. Or genderbend the cosplay if that’s more your style?

And also I have had real questions this year about whether or not to go with the beard. Because as I mentioned before, I live in a crappy, backward place that can’t even handle me in a WHEELCHAIR, let alone a bearded person with boobs. But I also don’t want to be called Star-Lady because I am every bit as much Star-Lord as any of the cis dudes. (absolutely nothing against the Star-Ladies out there, I’m just not one and it’s important to me) So there’s that.

The only real way to get comfortable is to just do it and keep doing it, I think.

tl/dr Cosplay may grab attention, but it is ultimately for you, the cosplayer. Do what you are comfortable with. I like to push the boundaries of my comfort zone somewhat, others might not enjoy that at all. Be aware of the risks, but don’t let them get too exaggerated in your mind. It’s supposed to be fun!

Thanks for the question, if you ever feel like you want to come off anon and chat privately about this stuff, feel free! I’m far from cos-famous or anything and certainly no expert on being out (since it’s not safe for me to really do so openly) but I certainly don’t mind talking about what I do know.