This weekend just keeps getting better.
I have to go to a family barbecue tonight and I am feeling sorry for myself/actually terrified I might try to revenge kill someone. I try to limit my exposure to these people now because they are poison I don’t care that they’re relatives. All they have ever done is tear down the people I actually do care about and tear us apart and threaten us. They’re the reason that my dad is so effectively trained in taking my power away, and they’re very good at it too. They treat my mom and my sis and I very badly, under this weird creepy veneer of “love” while talking about us behind our backs or even OPENLY like we’re worthless. (Other people aren’t lazy and worthless, only we are. Other people work really hard.) My dad rarely defends us at all. I just want to scream sometimes, particularly when they verbally attack my mom.
These people are the reason my brain broke several years ago (I had a breakdown complete with hallucinations). I’ve tried to limit my contact with them ever since my grandfather threatened my life if I ever “left my husband for any reason, even abuse, or decided to be gay”. And then the next weekend showed up on my front porch with a knife in his hand. I am NOT MARRIED geez.
I apparently have to go because I’m a part of this family. I don’t think anything would physically happen, but I also don’t think I can put up with any more emotional stuff right now. I have had emotional HELL the last few months. I don’t trust myself to behave like a good little “family member” forever.
I get enough of this at home. I don’t need the concentrated unabridged version :S
Captain Koril 