Yesterday I was chilling at the table after the move madness of the day and my dad was saying something about “war wounds” because he got a blood blister at some point during the furniture shifting. So I raised my glass and shouted “IT WAS A GLORIOUS BATTLE” in a husky Klingon voice and everyone kinda stared at me for a moment.
I swear I was so tired and burned out and giddy that, had I actually known one, I would have burst into a Klingon ballad at that moment.
so my family moved the entire move up and I’m freaking out now that we’re probably leaving Christmas day instead of New Year’s Eve.
nbd
it’s just my entire 25 years of life I’m packing up and saying goodbye to in the next three days.
yeah it was mostly crappy
but still
my family will probably never all be in the same place together again. I’ll never see this house again (which I’m actually glad of but it’s just weird). I’m leaving any last shred of stability and safety behind at the same time that I’m realizing that it never existed to begin with. Everything I was ever taught about love and family and purpose was based on lies and I am not sure how to process that yet.
So much is unknown and I have no safety net. If things go wrong…if I can’t afford this, if I get too sick to function…I’m one step away from being a mentally disabled homeless person.
Considering last year at this time, we were all enjoying a family vacation and making empty promises to always be there for each other…this is a bit of a shock to the system.
*wraps a present* Good, that is done and now I don’t have to worry about keeping it hidden!
*finds the item later, buried in a sock drawer* WHAT THE FUCK DID I WRAP THEN.
if a volcano erupted and just covered the entire house up right now I’d be immensely relieved if I wasn’t so dead.
I am tired of making these impossible decisions about what stays and what goes and what part of my life to sacrifice and what part to be stuck with forever and who to betray and whose secrets to keep and how to fucking defend myself from my relatives and their threats. I’m tired of giving away my dreams and everything I draw comfort from because there’s no more room and no more time.
I’m just tired and whatever particle of a soul I had is draining away.
My brain keeps thinking it’s 2 hours later than it is.
I think I’m already starting to shift to Missouri time?
That was quick…I mean, I’m not even living there yet, not for another 3-4 weeks…
I just found a floppy disc with Battlestar Galactica fanfic on it.
Original Battlestar Galactica.
I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately, friends.
just trying to keep my head down and get through it with minimal casualties…
I know that I will soon be away from this place, but it’s going to take a long time to get past some of the things that were said today, let alone in the last 25 contradicting years.
please be patient with me.
I hate when I dream things that are exactly like real life and then I can’t remember which was which because it just leads to confusion and me thinking I’m not allowed to get a sheet of paper from the paper drawer.
I’ve been stuck in the house for two and a half weeks (Thanksgiving doesn’t count) and I can no longer control my face
When you write what you truly feel about something and the other person is just quiet for forever and you wonder if you’ve offended them, and then they finally reply and you think YAY! I didn’t offend them! and then you read their reply and they’ve totally changed the subject and you’re back to laying awake at night, picking apart every word of your conversation
…and they probably just went to grab a soda or something, came back, and were thinking about something else entirely and wanted to share it.
Captain Koril 