Category: Uncategorized

stupid angry RL rant

As far as we can tell, my antibodies are attacking my brain for reasons that doctors don’t care to explore. This causes me to have spasms and other odd things when exposed to stress, fluorescent lighting, cold, physical exertion, or hunger. Or any combination of these triggers. Or if it just feels like torturing me. When that happens, I can’t function hardly at all. I can’t think clearly. I can’t move. I pretty much just lie there and wish I could cuddle someone without sending them flying across the room.

It’s kinda like certain parts of epilepsy, Parkinson’s, and Tourette’s thrown in a blender. But it is not enough like any of them to get help. I have literally had top doctors at cutting-edge facilities tell me to my face “Why are you here? I can’t get any research money for your case.” “Your symptoms aren’t like any real disease, so you must be faking it." And my personal favorite, a neurologist who was told I had a movement disorder and who got irate with me because I would not "hold still” while he examined me. These are the specialists, people. This is the best that this century has to offer.

But anyway, alcohol is pretty much the only thing that calms it down and lets me feel like normal person now and then. (I hate drinking, by the way. I really do. I just like feeling HUMAN now and then)

ERGGHH. I don’t want to be thought of as one of those “omg I’m sick feel sorry for me" people. I don’t talk about this. People freak out when I talk about it so I don’t. But it’s not like it’s not a big deal, because it is. It’s a huge deal. A huge fucking deal that I deal with every day and keep silent about. I’m sort of used to it. But I don’t leave the house much. And when I do, I get this really nice reminder that yeah, I’m not like everyone else. And oh yes, I’m related to a lot of assholes who I apparently severely disappointed when I got sick.

Sorry. I’m just scared. So fucking scared. Not even scared of the disease. It’s just that it killed all the chances I ever got to have a "normal” life and trapped me here. I’ll never forgive it for that. 

It doesn’t even have a name.

immortalspark:

image

What I’ve been working on this weekend.

The jacket is two sizes too big for me, but I was having trouble finding anything in grey. I added the red on the sleeves.

liberatedthroughperfection said:                                                                                                                             {So Flynn, very vintage, wow. So did you make that yourself or find it?}

I found the jacket, found the red material, and put the two together 😀 I really lucked out, the red is almost the same exact material as the jacket. And I didn’t have the jacket for reference when I grabbed the red off the shelf. Both were second hand store purchases. I guess the universe wanted me to have a Flynn jacket. I am planning to hem it up and make it fit a little better if I can. Sewing is really not my favorite thing, and I don’t want to ruin what I already accomplished. 

The plan is to wear this to Flynn’s when I visit next month.

ahabesque:

Had one of my usual “meeting my lover in a European city” dreams. Overall very pleasant, but there were some other details. Apparently I had a male friend in this city, and at one point in between hanging out with the mystery woman I was in love with, I found him at a cafe, sitting alone, playing a small violin, repeating the same little thing…

It was the CLU leitmotif! This, basically. For all those times your mind seems to be operating like a stubborn machine. With the level of work and studying I’m doing right now, it’s apt.

(DeviantArtists are vyle art, love clu 2.)

Source: ahabesque

I will never know how many hours of my life were sucked into this game.
Or Sim City.
Or Sim City 2000.
Or Sim Park.
Or any other games of this type. But this one was my favorite, I think. I liked building extreme rides for the little sim people. And then drowning the sim people in the sea when they didn’t agree with how fun the rides were.